random/ very long/ too personal post

Sometimes I feel like I share a little too much personal information on our blog. Normally I'm not really one for sharing my feelings. But some reason it seems like it's easy to do that on a blog. However, I figure since I'm terrible at keeping a journal, I can at least go back and read the posts on our blog (along with everyone else...yikes!). Anyways here are some things that I have been feeling like writing down - random remembrances and the personal.

First, I had a funny experience on Valentine's Day that reminded me of two other funny valentines experiences I had in high school. As I mentioned before James was out of town for V-day so I volunteered to babysit for my brother. When he and his wife got home they were talking about their dinner and how Matt's "feast for one," wasn't much of a feast. I have experienced the "feast for one" at Brick Oven and was surprised to hear him say that. We then figured out that the waitress never explained to Matt that he was supposed to go to the pasta bar to get the rest of his food. They decided they should call and complain. The manager said they could come in and pick up the rest of their dinner but they decided it wasn't worth it. I however live very close to Brick Oven so they told me I should go get it. I'm not one to pass up free food so I went for it. It was only when I started walking into the restaurant alone at 9:30 PM on V-day I realized what I was doing was a little weird. As I arrived at the pasta bar alone with a very large plastic take out container, I realized the guy running the pasta bar was an acquaintance from my freshman year. I definitely turned a little red and proceeded to have a very awkward conversation during which I attempted to explain why I was there.

This experience made me remember how my junior year of high school I had a Valentine's Day party at my house. In preparation I went to the grocery store and stocked up on A LOT of Blue Bell ice cream. Anyways, as I was heading to the check out with my arms full of ice cream I ran into the young "hot" track coach from my high school. He laughed and looked at me like I was the saddest creature on the face of the earth and I'm pretty sure he believed all that ice cream was for me and me alone. I said a very quick hello and ran away.

Thinking about that made me remember v-day my freshman year of high school. I was putting my books in my locker before first period wearing my new red shirt when out of no where this kid jumped around the corner pulled at my shirt and poured some kind of hot sauce/salsa concoction down it before I could do anything. I turned to see who the culprit was saw that it was one of the boys from the Special Ed class. What was I supposed to do...beat him up? I ran to class told my teacher I would be late, went back to my locker grabbed my track shirt, went to the bathroom and attempted to clean myself off. Let's just say I smelled like a lovely jalapeno for the rest of the day. Later that day my mom called the school to tell them what happened and they told her he must have "escaped" from his class and that he had a fascination with pouring things. Ahhh the memories.

Now for the personal. Life has been interesting lately. I feel stuck, cramped, lost and literally bored to tears. I think of things to do but I know if I get all my art stuff out it will overwhelm our apartment and I will be stir crazy after 10 mins. I have not been handling the graduation transition very well. I miss school a lot. I miss people. I never realized how much small daily interactions meant to me. I miss printmaking. I want to spread my stuff all over the intaglio room and answer the little freshman's questions while I work. Art is tricky...it's hard to finish a big project and to start something new, it's especially hard to do it alone. I am trying to figure it out because I love making things and I need to learn to do it all by myself like a big girl. So here's the favor I ask - be my art friend. Come do a project, send me a cool link, mail me a collage and I'll mail you one back. Tell me to get off my butt and go make something!

I have a job interview tomorrow. We'll see what happens. I'm scared. In most ways I want a full-time job - I love schedules and I love being around people all day. Plus I know I have a lot of time ahead of me to do lots of things. However, in some ways I feel like kind of a sell-out. I know that's weird but I'm sure most artists feel like that at some point in time. I just keep reminding myself of what one of my favorite optimists said:

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." - President Gordon B. Hinckley